Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
