God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
