I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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