i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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