Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
