i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
