Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
