I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
