You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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