It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
