The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
