my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you win again, gameday.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
