Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
