I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
