so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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