in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
