the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
