look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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