I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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