Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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