I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up under a house in Key West
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
