I think im going to throw up on grandma
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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