I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
