I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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