i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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