Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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