mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Welp...herpes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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