i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
