Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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