My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
