My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
