hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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