maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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