now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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