I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
