When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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