oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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