1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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