OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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