I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
