forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
