I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
