Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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