Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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