i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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