i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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