apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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