I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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