you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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