Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
