Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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