i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
