I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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