Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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