yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
