M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
