Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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