We got so high we made milksteak
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
