I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
