I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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