I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
