she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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